Fast, Tough and Out of Control

I vaguely remember seeing Linda Carter's Wonder Woman for the first time. I remember a certain feeling of awe -- seeing this creature so strong, so womanly, so beautiful -- and sensing that something of that vaavaavoom had something to do with me...that someday I too would have hips and breasts. It made me feel powerful.

Last night, the Gotham Girls Roller Derby League held their championship derby. From the very first moment I stepped through the doors and saw the Queens of Pain slinging their badass selves around the track, I was in love. My jaw dropped, my eyes were peeled open, my heart fluttered. I'd never seen anything more beautiful. Ever. They were the hottest, fastest, coolest ladies I have ever seen. I want to be them when I grow up.





As far as the athletic competition goes, it was a blow out. The Queens of Pain thrashed the Manhattan Mayhem so thoroughly that it was an embarrassment. Suzy Hotrod OWNED that match. The final score was something like 140 to 55.





The halftime show was a burlesque stripper: a Marilyn Monroe look-a-like named Bob. We watched the kids – of which the audience was full – wondering what they thought of this display. Even stripped down to her fringe bikini, she seemed somewhat superfluous – by no means more visually stimulating than the girls with the kneepads and fishnet stockings. But something of the momentum of her actions -- removing glove by glove, stepping from her dress -- I became worried for the kids. Worried that they'd be confused. Worried that they'd be worried about what would come next.



They problem already knew. They probably weren't worried at all. They probably only wanted the leather-clad zipper-mouthed gimp cheerleader with the whip and paddle to come back with his 'SUBMIT' sign and usher the girls on wheels back onto the track. Faster, faster, go go!